u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
