I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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