I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize