someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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