I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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