I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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