I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize