it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
