just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
