Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
