Umm I'm too high to move.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
