fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
