"it" just moved
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
