You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize