thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
