real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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