I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
