Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
