I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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