genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
