i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
