i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize