i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
