Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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