I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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