He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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