I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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