I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
