Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
