I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
