just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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