i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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