The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
