UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
