Jerry, you need to find god
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
