Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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