Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
two words: eviction party
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
