i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
