I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize