My room smells like vodka and shame
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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