I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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