I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
