Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
