I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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