People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
