Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
