Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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