Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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