Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
