i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
