We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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