ya dads aren't the best wingmen
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize