i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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