You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
is that a dick in a sweater?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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