I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
