The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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