I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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