It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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