We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
