Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
