Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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