Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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