God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
