Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
