i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
