i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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