The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
