I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
