if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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