Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
