Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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