Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
