My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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