The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize