32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
